The Machine

A machine, that's what I am.....

A feeling-less, automatic human just trying to do my job

It's better this way, no one in and no one out

I can't get hurt and other peoples pain can't seep into my skin.

I can't breathe in their liquid problems and drown in my

incapacitated water- filled lungs. Drowning, slowly drowning.....

Don't touch me, please don't....I don't want to feel anymore

I can't feel anymore despair, anguish or pain- I am filled to the brim-

Water is spilling..... spewing over the cup. I am disgusted as I wipe a tear

from my wet eye. Think nothing, feel nothing....Yes, I can do this

I can go on living this autonomous life. I won't surrender. I can't....

A machine, that's what I am.......

Nothing......I want to feel nothing....I don't need anything more in my life.

Darkness....Nothing but darkness. As I lay and listen to the clock chime.

I have to get up for work in three hours, and yet sleep has not met me.

I need something to numb me, something to help me sleep....

Oh, give me my sweet nectar, sublime smoothness from beginning to end.

Another glass sends me floating in my sweet, sweet body's release.

No thoughts, no feelings.....the world turns black as I fall into a dreamless sleep.

Up again ready for another day of work, tired I drive ignoring the void I feel.

Work is the same, playing the cat and mouse game- adrenaline kicks in.

I avoid confronting this constant void, if adrenaline is pumping.

Years and years of living like this, in this pattern, feeling this darkness.

A machine, that's what I am......

Until the birth of our first son, the first feeling of light entered

it stirred this unconditional love- so beautifully emancipating.

And so started the beautiful journey- this void filled with love.

Now felt often with a glow in my heart.

To love in an open way is not a weakness at all.

I found love sets you free, the darkness within is all but gone.

                                                           Artwork 'Failing Sun' by JOFX